You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Why? I asked. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! military aviation humour - Pilotfriend However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Attention! Full Disclosure Here. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Rodrigues there? SUB sandwiches! 33. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Return to Humor Index. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. 64. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. The reason? Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Looking for military boot camp jokes? But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Marines Say OOOOORAH! The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. St. Takeoffs are optional. 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Only one. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Caller: OK. 35. 46. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. He needed COVER! Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Its not weak, he replied. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Eat up! Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes But I had the last laugh. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. How tough? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Gary Toohard. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. But I am public affairs, I said. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. [Answered]. SUB sandwiches! Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. The other replied, Not me! Altitude is life insurance. Chicago. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. They cant seem to string three Ws together. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. The c.i.a. I was very nervous, she said. Aviation JOKES. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Pilots 5. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 65. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. It took the poor guy all day. Anecdotes 2. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Ive been sandblasted.. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 4. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Do you have change for a dollar? He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. It helps to keep the pilot cool. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest Yes, said the lieutenant. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. And )second I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 28. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Aviation Humor. Marine: Wait, stop. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Fish Food. What do hungry Marines eat? 44. you cant do both. I was the tallest guy in line. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. USN: Helos Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. 11. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Louis, I grumbled. Auld Lang Slice Me: Hello? Fish Food. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! DeFrigNo! What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Unless you can be Batman. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. 54. Bad altitude. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? One stated they would love to work on a submarine. 40. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Theres a post recall and he went to work. 17. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . If you cant pick it up, paint it. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. He is the Founder and . What did one panicking sailor say to the other? They want their patients to see 20:20! 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. The Army will post guards around the building. 39. 32. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Heres what they came up with: He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22.